Once upon a time, Earth had filled up so much with people that there wasn’t any room left to breathe in or any air left for breathing. So everyone went off to a planet of their own choice – which would have been great, had there not been only a dozen or so planets to choose from. Of course, a few people did stay back to keep Earth working as the central capital of the humans, and to enjoy for themselves the resources – or at least, what was left of them – of an entire planet. It was decided – for the sake of concern, of course – that the leaders of these planets, howsoever they may have been appointed, would meet once a year, and, of course, discuss how things were going in their respective spheres of control.
Around seventy years later, some idyllic idiot wasting his time through the archives of past meetings discovered that the planet Nazoma, interestingly, had had only female leaders for all the seventy years of its history. Of course, this piece of trivia soon became a hot topic of discussion in his workplace, and most were of the opinion that the planet had been overrun by feminist women who kept the men as sex slaves or in concentration camps – of course, a perfectly reasonable opinion. One brave soul took it upon himself to expose the horrific living conditions under the tyrannical oppression of “those feminist ratbags,” and applied for leave. The application was rejected, of course, because “exposing the horrific living conditions of males under the tyrannical oppression of the feminist dictators of Nazoma” was not deemed a valid reason to grant leave to an already subpar employee; nevertheless, the brave soul set off, risking his job in the name of liberation.
On the beautiful planet of Nazoma, the brave soul found a public place and went on a heroic shooting spree, gunning down any woman he could find – not a difficult task, of course, because it just happened that there were no men in sight anywhere. Eventually, after a large number of casualties, he was, of course, captured by the police – all women – and put in a cell for interrogation by some top officer – also a woman. The brave soul screamed at the evil feminists and accused them of ruthlessly oppressing their men as he banged against the door of his cell.
The interrogator shook her head in exasperation, rolled her eyes, and began to talk. She explained to the brave soul that their planet had been wiped clean of men seventy years ago by a deadly virus native to the planet. The virus would attack the testicles of a person, and then spread the disease to his entire body, killing him in a matter of days. The epidemic was followed by a sharp spike in suicide and emigration, restricting the planet’s total human population to one major city and some sparsely populated rural areas. Using highly advanced techniques of biotechnology, the remainder of the population was able to sustain itself through self-fertilization by sperm cells formed out of bone marrow. However, babies born in such a manner could only be female – which was good, since the virus was widespread and there was, even then, no known vaccine.
That the brave soul had contracted the virus, and that he would be put to trial immediately, were beyond doubt. He was, of course, required to spend what sounded like an eternity on Nazoma to complete the quarantine procedure, and hopefully the trial too.
Later, when the doctor came to administer the first dose of medicine, the brave soul, of course, knocked her unconscious and made off.
Of course, he was only able to transmit to his friends a message detailing how the Nazomian females waged biowar on their males and systematically wiped them out, before the virus took its toll. Writhing in agony, he died in his ship in a nameless region of space.
The message, of course, went viral on all forms of social media, with all sorts of people typing all kinds of long paragraphs in support of the brave soul. The few long paragraphs that spoke against him were of course silenced by even longer paragraphs. The Nazomian administration, of course, was ‘brought to justice,’ and the penalty made them teeter on the verge of bankruptcy.
This chain of events was, of course, set in motion by an idyllic idiot wasting his time through the archives of past meetings, who discovered that the planet Nazoma, interestingly, had had only female leaders for all the seventy years of its history. That the archives also showed that over three-quarters of the remaining planets had had only male leaders throughout all their seventy years of history, was of no importance at all.
Written by Sayar Banerjee
Illustrated by Revant Dasgupta